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Dhar Dhar
W
Funny College Personal Essay I
e all make such a fuss about the Statement of Purpose / College Essay / Personal
Statement… We spend endless nights burning the midnight oil in search of that
literary genius inside of us… But how many of us actually nd that elusive spark? Here is
someone who did… Enjoy.
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE
FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE
HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO
DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic gure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been
known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more ecient
in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write
award-winning operas, I manage time eciently. Occasionally, I tread water for
three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles
up severe inclines with unagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in
twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a
small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play
bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I
enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical
appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide
swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller